Thursday, January 3, 2019

Raising A GENERATION With Respect For The Word NO!

Even as infants, we don't like the word NO.  

I was not offered any monetary copensation by posting my honest opinions about this issue I am seeing in the generation we are raising currently as parents.

When babies are crawling and exploring homes with their new found freedom, parents begin teaching their kids about BOUNDARIES.  What is safe for them and what could cause them harm.  A simple word...NO is often expressed to teach the child that whatever they are touching, pulling up on, putting in their mouth, etc. might be hurtful to them and we are removing them from the situation and clearly expressing that it is NOT OKAY.

So why then, is it hard, the older they get...to continue being strong with the word NO?

I'm finding, as my kids are now 17, 15, 12 and 10 (with two bonus kids who are 15 and 11), that the generation we are raising right now can't handle this very simple, very necessary word.  My kids are coming home with stories and experiences about the kids they go to school with...who clearly have not been taught that NO means NO...

WHY?  What has changed so much in the past 20 years that parents are no longer allowed, nor do they feel safe parenting with this word?  I mean, come on...why are parents LIMITED on how they parent their kids?  Parents seem to be afraid to simply parent.  Or maybe we are just lazy and so self consumed by life we are not willing to put the time and effort into dealing with the repercussions of no.  I completely understand about physically not harming your child.  PHYSICAL HARM is never okay.  It is CLEARLY wrong.  But we as parents have become so sensitive ourselves.   Parents pushing our opinions on other parents and making them feel insecure about their parenting abilities.  I just don't get it.  Everyone is different.  Every parents struggles with children who have different issues, strengths and challenges. 
However, teaching our kids the word NO seems pretty universal to me?

For me...it's simple.  We have begun raising a generation of kids who will cry when they are corrected about things, feel like they need a trophy for everything, throw a fit when they don't get what they want and will not be able to handle what the REAL WORLD throws at them because they have been coddled by parents, grandparents and friends (because the parents will not allow anything else) afraid of simply parenting.  US PARENTS ARE FAILING OUR KIDS by parenting this way!  The reality is...the world we will be sending them off to is really CRUEL and HARD.  It doesn't care about hurting their feelings or making them angry.  It's a really SELFISH world we are sending them into and if we don't teach them about "NO", about not always getting what they want all the time with instant gratification, teaching them that things are not going to be handed to them and they are going to have to work for things...we are FAILING THEM BIG TIME!
My kids are going to be TREND SETTERS, I guess.  Why?  

This mom isn't afraid of the word NO!  In fact, this mom is proud to use this word and teach my kids a healthy respect for it.  My kids understand that this word...more times than not...is for their own good, and have also learned a reverent respect for it.  

WHY?  Why is this important?

From the time they are learning to crawl, walk and explore...it's our job as parents to teach them right from wrong, good from bad.  Maybe you don't agree, but as a parent to these innocent little humans...I do feel this is definitely a job requirement for parents.  Not because we are being mean, but because we are protecting them.  We are teaching them to know their space, understand rules & guidelines and to respect them, so they grow up not only being okay with constructive correction, but also with guidance.

I see too many parents now days, afraid to make their kids mad.  Afraid that their kids are going to throw a fit in public or as they reach their teen years, threaten them with law or them leaving.  WHATEVER!  Here is the real simple truth...we are their parents.  If they throw a fit in public when they are little because you've told them NO...you pick them up and leave the store.  It's that simple!  You are in CHARGE!  Head to the car, buckle them in and drive home.  On your drive home, you talk to them calmly about why you left so quickly, why you were right in telling them no and why they owe you an apology for behaving that way.  You don't lay a hand on them...you don't get in their face and yell...you simply talk to them.  

Now, understand this...I've had FIT THROWERS.  I've had kids who kick, scream and take a long time to calm down from their selfish rage.  But guess what, they eventually calm down and will listen to you talking rationally to them.  They will respond well to you speaking to them in a calm tone and explaining why you gave them the answer you did.  


Even as teenagers it works.  Parents are always wrong in teens eyes...because "we don't understand how they feel."  Little do they know that it doesn't feel like that long ago that we were the teens being parented & told NO by our parents.  A little patience, respect of their need to release whatever feelings they have and then a stern STICK TO YOUR GUNS explanation about why you, as a parent, not only have the right...but the responsibility to tell them NO.  It's totally okay, in fact necessary that we tell them NO!  No...you can't go out tonight!  No, I am not buying you more jeans just because they are on sale (when they already have 20 pairs in their closet).  No...NO...NOOOOO!   It's also healthy at this age to reinforce their right to say NO.  To teach them not only that but to respect it when they hear their friends, girlfriend/boyfriends, etc. say NO.  If we don't teach them this...it will cause major issues in dating and relationships as they grow up, because no one will feel the right to stop someone from hurting them.  This is not okay!  
Our kids always have a right to say NO!  
NO MATTER WHAT...No means NO!


It's okay moms and dads!  Your kids are not going to be scarred for life because they are hearing this word.  In fact, they are actually going to be all the better for you being willing to actually give them healthy guidelines, some stern reinforcement that they are not always right and don't always know the best thing for themselves, etc.  GOD MADE YOU THE PARENT and them the child.  They are learning from you, growing in habits and understanding of your example.  When you are told NO by life...because you don't get that new job you interviewed for.  When you're told NO by life, because your finances are tight and you simply can't take that vacation you want to, because toilet paper and groceries are more important and necessary.  When you're told NO by whatever life throws at you...your kids are watching how you respond to it.  Show them that it's okay to be upset or even bummed about it.  But it's okay, because you grow from things that don't go your way all the time.  It's character building.  It's healthy and important to be okay with NO and to know how to cope when you don't always get the YES you're hoping for.  

If we don't teach them...the WORLD is going to...and trust me, the world isn't going to care about their crying, their fit throwing, their hurt feelings and their sad sob stories.  Instead, the world is still going to rotate and life is going to go on.  And we are going to be dealing with adult children who just simply can't cope with life, because we never taught them a respect for the word NO.  And I'm sorry MOM AND DAD...it will be all our fault for not teaching them from birth on...a healthy respect for NO!
This is just my two cents!  You can take it or leave it!  
But just understand that you won't be able to blame anyone but yourself in the end...when the generation we are raising never move away from home, can't keep a steady job, are not able to cope with relationships and just simply can't deal with LIFE IN GENERAL...because they were never taught to understand, embrace and appreciate a healthy NO every once in awhile.

I was not paid to feature this post!  I was not compensated in any way by posting about my honest feelings on this parenting topic.